


Lover's Noose

by Gilescandy



Series: The Lover's Series [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Brief Torture, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Language, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-31
Updated: 2013-07-31
Packaged: 2017-12-21 23:32:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/906254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gilescandy/pseuds/Gilescandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Timeline: Season 4. The five episodes from ‘Pangs’ to ‘A New Man’.</p><p>Summary: Sequel to Lover’s Knot. When Spike returns, both Willow and Giles are in a period of crisis in their lives. How will they deal with Spike and each other, having the events of Lover's Knot in their past?</p><p>Awards:  Willowy Goodness Awards 2013, Best Willow/Giles runner-up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pangs

Part 1 - Pangs

Willow looked up at the stars for a moment, trying their best to shine through the hazy, late autumn sky. She knew only a fraction of them could compete with the lights that flooded Sunnydale at night, but those that did had always comforted her. With a sigh, she returned to the job of sweeping up the dirt and shattered pot fragments in the courtyard of Giles’ building.

It had been a strange holiday. Not that her family had ever celebrated Thanksgiving, but she knew enough to realize most people don’t spend the day fighting vengeance spirits. At least, not real ones. And then there was Spike showing up.

“Hey, Wills,” Xander interrupted her thoughts. “It seems like Giles and Buffy have things under control in there. Well, at least the dishes are getting washed instead of broken. Anya’s gonna take me home and put me to bed.”

“Oh,” Willow smiled, “okay. You do still look a little green around the gills. Better get some good rest.”

She watched them walk off and resumed her sweeping, and thinking. Oh yes, Spike. The last time she’d seen him was in the dorm when he came to kill her. It didn’t surprise her much to see him stumble in, begging for help, after that. What was the big surprise was how well Giles was keeping himself in check. The last time he’d seen the vampire was that night, almost exactly a year ago. The night when Spike had forced a desperate decision on them. The night when everything and nothing changed between them. The night when, to save her from the ravages of a demon, Giles had shared himself with her.

“Willow,” Buffy’s voice broke in. “Everything’s almost done. I’m going out on patrol.”

Willow laughed at the hurried look in her eyes. “Go on, try to catch up with Angel. I’ll stay to help Giles finish up.”

“Thanks, Will. Tell Giles I’ll be back to deal with Spike later.”

The witch’s eyes suddenly went wide. “Oh God, Giles is in there alone with Spike.”

“No worries!” Buffy called back as she ran off. “Even if Spike’s lying, there’s no way he can hurt Giles.”

“Giles isn’t the one I’m worried about,” Willow whispered as she dropped the broom and sprinted for the door.

***  
Spike’s jaw clenched in pain as Giles gave the stake another twist, inching it that much closer to the vampire’s heart. “I knew I could count on you, Watcher,” Spike groaned through gritted teeth. “Not the type to forget or forgive. Come on then! Do it to me.”

Willow could see that this was not the first stake Giles had grabbed. There were three more sticking out of various parts of Spike’s torso. But, with the look of hatred in Giles’ eyes as he pressed in a little deeper, she knew this one was meant to kill.

“Did you expect me to ever forget what you did to her?” the Watcher growled. “I told you I’d kill you one day, Spike.”

“Why do you think I came here? To play the Slayer’s lap dog? I’m a vampire who can’t hunt. Just dust me and get it over with!”

As he was about to add the final thrust, Willow’s light hand slid onto the fist that held the stake. Giles let out a long, shaky breath as he looked at her. His hand still trembling with rage, he slowly relinquished the weapon to her. “Yes,” he sighed, “it should be you, Willow. You’re the one he hurt the most.”

Willow smiled sadly at him as she wrapped her small hand around the stake. She watched his eyes go wide with disbelief when she suddenly yanked the stake out of Spike’s body. Throwing her hands against the Watcher’s chest, she pushed him back a couple of paces before he could lunge at the vampire again.

“We can’t kill him, Giles,” she whispered soothingly. “Buffy needs him. If he does have information, we need to find out what he knows.”

“Oi! What’s goin’ on here?”

Both ignored the vampire as Giles stared at Willow with confusion in his wide, wild eyes. “How can you stand…? After what he did to you, how can you tolerate him living one moment longer?”

“What did he do to me? Giles, all I remember him doing was to prove to me again what a wonderful man you are. Nothing happened that we couldn’t handle. Nothing changed between us.”

Spike began to laugh. “What I did had no effect… Yeah, right! I give you people a year to simmer and come back to something bloody brilliant. You two at each other’s throats like an old married couple. The wolf-boy nowhere to be seen. What, he couldn’t handle being second to an old man? And the Slayer, gotta tell ya, not the most stable I’ve ever seen her.”

“None of that has anything to do with you!” Willow exclaimed, turning toward him while physically holding Giles back. “Oz had to go figure out some stuff. He never had a problem with what you made us do. He knew Giles was only protecting me. And, so what, Giles and I argued a little today. We’re both adults. We respect each other’s opinions. It’s not unheard of for two people to disagree about something. And, well… There’s no way it had any effect at all on Buffy because…”

Willow looked up at Giles, unsure if she’d gone too far. Spike’s grin went wide with comprehension. “You never told her! Slayer doesn’t know that dad and little sis made the beast with two backs. That dear old Watcher crawled right up inside her best friend and grunted and groaned his way to-”

“Must you be so vulgar!?!” Giles roared.

“I bet the lad has no idea either,” Spike continued. “Bet he still thinks little Willow has that special place in her heart saved for him. Doesn’t even suspect she has a dark, damp, special little place saved just for his old librarian.”

By now Willow was having to dig her heels into the rug just to keep the man at her back at bay. “Spike,” she said in an eerily calm voice. “You know that if I let him go right now, he’ll kill you before you can say another word. You keep talking just to remind him how much he hates you.” Her voice dropped to a lower tone, more menacing than either man knew she could manage. “But I know that’s what you want. You were once a master among vampires. Now you’re just pathetic. You can’t hunt, can’t take care of yourself. Why should I end your suffering? I’m not the frightened little girl you remember. I have power now. Power to make you suffer more than you ever thought possible.”

Spike’s eyes jumped from the girl to the man behind her, who had the same shocked expression on his face he was sure he wore. He sputtered a bit, not knowing if she was bluffing. “Well… How ‘bout if I just tell the Slayer what you did?”

“You mean what you did. Yes, she would want to kill you, too. But do you really think it would change what she feels about us? Do you think I can’t stop her from dusting you, just like I did him?”

Spike swallowed hard. Something had certainly changed in the little witch. He would never have guessed such a cold, intense look could make its home on that sweet face.

“In fact,” Willow continued, “go ahead and tell her. You can also tell her how good we were together. And how much you liked watching. Do you still like to watch, Spike?”

The girl suddenly swung around and grabbed the front of Giles’ shirt, pulling him down into a crushing kiss. The Watcher was stunned for a moment. He froze, his brain slow to process what was happening. He’d never kissed Willow before. Not like this. Not even that night. He’d made sure of it. He wanted the intimacy of the kiss to be one thing he wasn’t forced to steal from her. But why was she kissing him now?

Giles gripped her shoulders and gently pushed her back. “What-what are you doing?” he gasped.

“I’m showing Spike how much none of this matters. How you and I can do anything we want and it won’t make any difference.” She grabbed the hem of her shirt. “In fact, I’ve seen you all naked. I think it’s about time you got your peek.”

Giles managed to catch her arms as she brought them up and wrestle the clothing back onto her body. He pinned her arms at her sides and stared into her eyes for a moment. They had a feral, desperate look in them, and it frightened him.

He glanced at the insufferable smirk on Spike’s face and turned, dragging Willow behind him. “Come with me.” 

Giles slammed the bathroom door and leaned heavily against it, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He knew the distance and the door was not enough to defeat the vampire’s hearing, but at least he wouldn’t have to see that smirk. “Now, what is this?”

“What?” Willow put on an innocent face. “I was just showing Spike-”

“This has nothing to do with Spike. Yes, he may have been the trigger, but he has no power here. Something else is making you behave like this.”

“It’s been such a tense day,” Willow gave him her best shy smile. “I thought it would do us both some good to let off a little steam.”

Giles studied her eyes once again. The truth in them cut through the innocence she was trying to feign. They were dark and full of need, and hunger, and despair. Unnervingly predatory. “Not this way, Willow,” his soft voice nearly begged. “It can never happen again.”

“But I can still remember the way you made me feel. Even though we were prisoners and being threatened and being forced to do something we shouldn’t, you made me feel more amazing than I ever have.” She stepped towards him, laying a small hand on his chest. “I need something, Giles. And I know what you can do for me. I need you.”

Giles closed his eyes as a tremor ran through his body at the feelings and memories her gentle touch stirred. “I c-can’t. You know I can’t, Willow.”

She stepped in closer, trapping him in the corner with the heat pouring off her slender body. Her second hand joined the tender exploration of his chest. “I’m not a child anymore. You don’t need to protect me from everything. Look at me, Giles. Please see the woman I’ve become.”

He caught her wrists and slowly pushed her hands from his body. “No…” he whispered carefully. “This isn’t what you need right now. If I did what you’re asking, I would be guilty of taking advantage of your grief. I could never do that. And if you were the adult you claim to be, you wouldn’t put me in such a position.”

“God!” Willow screamed, ripping her hands from his loose grip. “Why is it I’m always the victim with you? Why can’t I be the one taking advantage of you? Why are my feelings always wrong?” She turned and stalked away from him, shaking with anger.

“Not wrong.” Giles reached out, but refrained from touching her. No good would come from that at the moment. “Just ill-timed and somewhat inappropriate. You’re a beautiful, young girl going through a difficult time right now. And you know I’d do anything in my power to help you…”

She swung back around, her eyes blazing with anger. “Then fuck me damnit!”

Giles looked as if he’d just been slapped in the face. His eyes suddenly hardened as he stared directly into the fire of her rage. “This isn’t all about you,” he hissed. “I am not some bandage for you to slap on whenever your self-esteem drops a bit. And I will not let you use me as a substitute for Oz.”

“This has nothing to do with him,” Willow growled.

“Oh, I think it does. I think it has everything to do with him. We’ve been perfectly at ease with each other for a year now. He leaves and you suddenly decide to turn to me for meaningless sex. It doesn’t work that way, Willow. Not for me. Not with you.”

“It’s your fault, you know!” the young witch screeched at him. “He left because of you. Because he knew he could never make me feel that way. Because I still have dreams all the time, and his was never the name I whispered in my sleep.”

“And you don’t think I dream about you, too!” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. 

Surprise joined the anger on Willow’s face. “You dream of me?” she breathed.

Giles took a deep breath and calmed himself a bit. “What do you see when you look at me? I am a man, plain and simple. I’d think you more than any of the others would remember that. And, as a man who has lived some years, I’ve learned many of my shortcomings and limitations. Willow, Love, I’ve never lied to you about the way you made me feel that night. If I allowed it to happen again, if I let myself feel what I felt with you… You would be a drug to me. More addictive than any of the illicit substances or dark magicks I experimented with in my youth. If you became mine one more time, I don’t know if I’d have the strength to let go. And you deserve so much more than I have to give.”

“So let me get this straight,” Willow began in a low voice. “We can’t be together, in a way we already have anyway, to give each other a little comfort when we’re both sad and lonely, because I would make you feel too good?” Giles gave a tentative nod. “I don’t believe you!” she yelled.

“What reason would I have to lie to you?”

“No. Not ‘I don’t believe you’.” She gestured her hand erratically to indicate all of him. “I don’t believe you!”

“Love…”

“Don’t you ‘Love’ me!” The angry red was growing again on Willow’s cheeks. “And, you know what? I do remember you’re a man. Sometimes I wish you were more of a man than you are. A real man wouldn’t turn me down like this and just let me suffer. A real man would jump at what I’m offering.”

Giles focused on the floor, determined not to retaliate at the abuse. He knew everything was coming from a place of pain inside the girl. Deep down, Willow didn’t really want to hurt him. No more than he wanted to hurt her.

“Tell me this,” he said softly, with just a glance up at her tight, twisted face. “Can you see us being together in any way other than random, secret nights that are nothing more than purely physical? Would I ever be more than just a convenient fuck?”

The girl’s lips tightened into a straight line. She didn’t answer. Even in her rage and grief she knew better than to lie to him about something so important. And, in that moment, she had no answer to the question.

“I’ve done that before, Willow. It never works out well, and we two have the kind of friendship that’s way too precious to risk on such foolishness.” His voice dropped to barely audible. “Besides, if I took you to my bed, I could do nothing less than make love to you.”

“You don’t love me,” Willow growled, pushing by him to exit the bathroom.

“Willow,” Giles followed her into the living room. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going home,” she snapped.

“It’s too dangerous for you to walk back to the dorm at this time of night. Please let me take you.”

She wheeled on him, her eyes flashing. “There’s only one place I want you to take me right now. And we’ve already established that’s not happening.” She stalked over to Spike and began savagely yanking the remaining stakes out of his body. “I suggest you not say anything to him,” she hissed, “because he will kill you.”

“Willow, please…”

“Look,” she held up the stakes, “I have protection. Just leave me alone.” Willow scooped up her bag and stormed out the door.

Giles hurriedly followed. “I will not let you leave my home upset and vulnerable.”

“Just try to stop me! In fact, I dare a vamp to try it right now!” she screeched into the night.

At a loss, Giles worriedly watched her stomp down the street and turn the corner.

“Hey, Giles. What’s going on? I thought I heard yelling.”

He spun towards the voice and nearly sobbed in relief. “Buffy, thank the lord. Willow has just left very upset. She wouldn’t let me drive her home.”

“What happened?” Buffy’s eyes narrowed. “Did Spike say something to upset her?”

“Something like that. Please catch up to her and see her home safely.”

Buffy glanced at his opened door. “You gonna be all right until morning?”

“I can handle Spike. Just, please take care of Willow.”

***  
Giles sighed heavily as he closed his apartment door. It had been a long and trying day and he was suddenly extremely tired. Despite his fatigue, he knew he wouldn’t be sleeping any time soon because of his worry for Willow. He’d done the right thing. He’d done the only thing he could in good conscience.

As he started toward the stairs, Spike’s chuckling stabbed at him like thousands of needles. “Yep, you two are just fine.”

In a sudden motion, Giles swept up an unused serving spoon from the table, and drove it between Spike’s ribs and into his heart. As the vampire screamed in pain, the Watcher spun, kicking him in the face and sending him and his chair to the floor. Spike stared up at the fierce face hovering over him.

“Willow was right,” Giles glowered. “You aren’t even worth killing.” He left Spike on the floor in pain and went up to bed.


	2. Something Blue

Part 2 – Something Blue

 

Buffy looked panicked. “Oh my God! Riley thinks I’m engaged.”

Willow was confused. “What?”

“Riley. He saw me! What the hell am I going to say?”

The red-head chewed her bottom lip in thought. “Oh, hey… What if you tell him it was all a big joke? Like, making fun of the whole ‘guy fear of commitment’ thing.”

“Do you really think that might work?” Buffy frowned.

“Well… Either that or I can make him about a hundred dozen cookies.” Willow held up the plate of fresh chocolate chip cookies she was holding. “Have I mentioned how sorry I am?” she murmured.

“I guess it’s worth a try,” Buffy sighed. “The joke thing I mean. Not the cookie thing.” She glanced at the front door.

Willow let a small smile cross her lips. “Go on and find him. I’ll be all right.”

“Thanks, Will,” Buffy hugged her and hurried toward the front door. She called out, “Just remembered some work I have to do on campus. I’ll see you all later.” And was out the door before anyone could respond.

Xander stood and stretched, then helped Anya up. “Yeah, I guess we should be going, too. Last night was pretty wild, and if I stay here any longer I might actually achieve the fabled cookie overdose.”

Giles stood and watched them move to the door. “Yes, that would be quite a feat for you.”

The boy grinned back at him. “Hey Wills, you want us to walk you home?”

Willow started towards them but, before she could answer, Giles said, “Um… Willow, I was hoping that you, you could stay a little longer. There’s something I need to discuss with you.”

The young witch didn’t turn to look at him, but nodded slowly.

“Uh oh…” Anya said, pulling on her jacket. “Kept behind after class. She’s in trouble.”

“She’ll be fine,” Xander stated in a soothing voice. “Go easy on her, Big Guy. She didn’t mean to, and no one really got hurt.”

Anya huffed. “She could’ve gotten you killed. I think he should spank her.”

“And thank you, An, for the image I’ll be needing therapy to get rid of.”

Giles sighed. “I assure you both, Willow is in no danger of a reprimand from me. I just need to run something by her. That is, if she has the time.”

“It’s okay, guys,” Willow tried for more of a voice that she felt, “I’ll catch up with you later.”

Xander gave her a reassuring nod before exiting with Anya in tow. As the door shut, Willow suddenly found the design of the rug to be the most intriguing thing in the room. It took her a few more minutes to work up the courage to speak, but she still couldn’t bring herself to turn and face Giles.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered with her head hung.

Giles came around the couch, but gave her plenty of space. “Willow,” he cleared his throat, as if unsure of how to make his thoughts clear. “This really isn’t about the spell. I’ve noticed that since the… e-events of last Thursday, you haven’t felt comfortable being here without the others.” The girl could hear him remove his glasses and start polishing. “It, uh, pains me to think that you are still so upset with my actions.”

Willow turned around slowly, clutching the plate of cookies as if it could shield her. “You think I’m…” she began in a small, careful voice. “Giles, after the way I acted, I was sure you’d never trust me to be alone here or even want to talk to me again. I just thought you kept being nice to me so Buffy and the others wouldn’t…”

He slid his glasses over his ears and gave her a small smile. “You were upset and somewhat stressed. That’s how I took everything you said. No real harm done.”

“Oh, please,” Spike drawled from the chair he was again tied to, “all this touchy feely, friends forever, make-up bollocks is gonna make me hurl. You two are much more entertaining when Little Red is playing the role of horny lil’ slut monster assaulting the noble, better-than-thou, put-upon white Watcher-man who just has to keep up the front long enough the drive her off so he can go wank for the rest of the night.”

Willow saw Giles close his eyes wearily, a touch of pink on his cheeks. Whether it was from anger or embarrassment, she couldn’t tell.

“Go on, Little Witch, get him all fired up for me again. You have no idea how boring it is being stuck here with Mr. No-life. Or, if you’re still all desperate, you can come over here and let me see what I can do for ya’. At this point I’d suck either one of you off just to get the taste of Slayer out of my mouth. I’m not stupid enough to turn down a beauty like you… Plus, I do kinda owe him a good ride. You know, like he gave me way back when. Hey, maybe we could talk ol’ Rupert into a three-way.”

“That’s enough,” Giles growled.

“Right,” Willow stepped toward Spike. “I deserve it, but if you don’t stop picking on Giles, I’ll…I’ll… I know a gagging spell that’ll turn your tongue into a cactus!”

“No, not another spell,” Spike screeched in mock horror. “Save me from the wacky witch. With her track record, I might lose something important.”

Giles went to his desk. “You know I don’t need spells to gag you, Spike.” He pulled out a pair of handcuffs, and a leather strap with a rubber ball fastened in the middle.

“What’s that?” Willow wondered.

Spike spoke first. “It’s a sex toy, Little One. Don’t you know? Watcher-boy has more kinks than a Smegrath Snake demon. You won’t let him kill me, so now he just tortures me by using me as a sex slave.”

Giles fastened Spikes hands behind his back and shoved the gag into his mouth. “Your commentary is no longer required,” he rumbled in the vampire’s ear. Grabbing the back of the chair, he dragged the prisoner across the room and flung him into the closet. Spike came to rest balanced precariously on two chair legs and leaning with his head and shoulder braced awkwardly against the wall. “Now,” he leaned in and hissed, “if I even hear you tap on this door, I have some new and interesting ideas we can try with the Holy Water.” He glanced at the bottles stacked up next to Spike. “Do we understand?” The vampire nodded. “We’ll discuss your touching my Slayer later.” The door to the closet swung shut, leaving Spike in darkness.

Giles turned and saw Willow staring wide-eyed at him. He took off his glasses and sighed. “Willow, you’ve known me how long now? Am I the sort of man who would torture a harmless creature?” 

She whispered, “A harmless creature, or Spike?”

“Yes, well… It seems I am outvoted on the killing him front, so he is being tolerated. Now, where were we?”

Willow put the plate of cookies down on the desk and started for the kitchen. “I-I was just about to make you a batch of oatmeal raisin to say sorry for being an evil slut monster.”

Giles stopped her with a light touch and held her by the shoulders. “I would rather you tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing,” Willow’s eyes were again glued to the floor.

“I’m not blind. Well, not normally,” he chuckled. The witch whimpered. “You seemed to be doing better, and then all of this with the lack of focus and the spell. Willow, what happened?”

“Probably nothing Buffy didn’t already tell you about,” she murmured.

“My dear, I’m sure we could fill volumes with what Buffy neglects to tell me these days. However, I would much rather hear it from you. It’s just us now. I only pray you still trust me enough to confide in me.”

“I do trust you. But my problems…” Willow looked up into his gentle, caring eyes. Everything poured out in a rush of words and tears. “I went to Oz’s room and everything was gone. He’s not coming back, Giles. He sent for his stuff so he can be someplace far from me. And I tried. I tried to just cry and get over it. I tried to stop whining to all of you. I even tried to get a little drunk so I’d be happy for everyone. But that just made them upset with me. Then the spell that was supposed to fix me went all kerplooy...” She melted into Giles’ strong arms and descended into sobs and nonsense syllables.

***

Willow wasn’t sure how he’d managed it, but when her sobs calmed down she was sitting with him on the couch. He had situated her next to him, facing the end of the couch so she could lean comfortably into his embrace and bury her face in his broad chest. When she managed to control herself enough to lift her head, he had a box of tissues ready in front of her.

“Feel any better?” he whispered as she blew her nose.

The girl brought her hand up and weakly wiped at the place on his chest her head had been resting. “I made you all wet,” she murmured.

Giles let a chuckle roll through him. “It’s all right. I believe I’ll dry.”

“I bet your calling never warned you about having to deal with teenaged girls weeping all over you.”

“No, but right now that’s not a problem I’m having. I’m only caring for Willow. Something I will always be glad to do.”

Willow gave a feeble snort. “Great, the only one willing is the one I can’t have.”

He raised her eyes to his with a tender touch. “Dear girl, any man in his right mind would love to be yours.”

“Then why did he go?”

“Well, what should we settle on today? That Oz was trying to protect you from the wolf and figure out his own problems. Or that he was an idiot pillock that couldn’t see the angel in his arms and didn’t deserve you anyway.”

Willow let out a small laugh. “And what are you?”

Giles closed his eyes and let himself hold her a little tighter. “I’m a very lucky man who gets to have you in his life.”

Settling her head comfortably under his chin, the young witch sighed contently. “Tell me why this won’t work when right now it feels so wonderful.”

“Mmm?”

“Just being here in your arms, Giles. If I’m an angel, I think I found heaven. So why is it wrong?”

A deep sigh heaved in Giles’ chest. “Well, for one thing, you are nineteen. When I was nineteen, your birth was still a few years off.”

“Not a valid argument,” Willow shook her head against him.

“Pardon?”

“The age thing, I’ve already ruled it out as a good reason.”

“And how, pray tell, did you arrive at that conclusion?” He did his best to ignore the feel of her light hand absently petting his chest.

“Well… Just look at who we are and what we do. Giles, we fight evil. We live lives that are dangerous, that not only threaten us, but tend to steal the people we love from us. So, if we decided that we can give each other a little happiness, why not take it while we can? Besides, odds are the two of us will end up dying on the same day during the same apocalypse anyway.”

“Not if I have any say in it,” his voice rumbled. “I’ll see that you, and Xander, and even Buffy have long, fulfilling lives. I don’t care what kind of evil I have to sell my soul to in order to do it.”

Willow’s head popped up and she looked concernedly into his resolute face. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true.”

“Yes, I believe you would do that. But you can’t, Giles. We all want long, happy lives. But they won’t be very happy if you’re not there with us.”

“Willow, you’ve all grown up,” he smiled gently. “I’m on the very fringes of your lives now as it is. You wouldn’t even miss me.”

The surprising slap on his cheek was enough to make him focus on her intense, red-rimmed eyes. “I’d miss you,” she whispered tightly. “If you weren’t here for us… who’d… who’d be there to hold me and let me blubber all over them?”

“Buffy and Xander,” he returned with a slight smile at her intense reaction.

Willow frowned, “No selling your soul to evil and that’s final.” She punctuated the order with a thump on his chest. Giles gave her a relenting nod and a smile. Accepting that, she tucked her head back under his chin and muttered, “Besides, the evil would probably just use you against us in some way and then we’d all be screwed.”

Giles chuckled, “You win. I bow to your logic. I’ll have to find another way to accomplish the same ends.”

“Only you better include yourself in the ‘long, fulfilling life’ thing, Mister.”

“Until I’m a senile, old man?” he smiled into her hair.

Willow gave a tiny nod against him. “Then it’ll be our turn to take care of you for a change.” After a moment of relaxed silence, she sighed. “So, give me the next one.”

“Next?”

“Reason we can’t be together.”

“Ah… Well, not to return to the age issue, but it is a fact that we are from two very different generations. An important part of a relationship is communication and challenging conversation.”

“You don’t like to talk to me, Giles?”

He sighed, “I suppose that argument would work better if I had Buffy or Xander here in my arms.”

Willow started giggling. “Sorry, it was just the image of you sitting here with your arms around Xand. It was disturbing, in a very undisturbing kind of way.”

“He has grown into a fine young man,” Giles chuckled.

“Anya would scratch your eyes out. Plus, I think I’d be pretty jealous, too.”

“Don’t worry,” he whispered. “I’m not planning to make any move on Xander. God forbid.”

“Good to hear,” Willow grinned against his chest. “Next.”

“Well… Even though I am no longer in any kind of official authority over you, there is that I’m a sort of mentor to you in your study of magicks, among other things.”

“That one’s not gonna work either.”

“And what logic do you have to thwart me this time?”

“Ooo… I’m thwarting the Super Watcher. I feel like a real villain.”

Giles affectionately stroked along her arm. “You forget, I’m not a Watcher anymore. They fired me. Which counts as another reason I’m not good enough for you. You can do better than an unemployed, middle-aged lay-about.”

“What did I tell you about putting yourself down like that? I don’t care about those Council poopheads, you’re still our Super Watcher. Plus, being a lay-about just means you’ll never be too busy when I want to come over here and use you for all my dirty, little needs.”

Giles cleared his throat, trying hard to ignore the images suddenly drifting around in his head. “You still haven’t rebuffed the mentor argument,” he whispered.

“Oh yes…” Willows warm fingers began playing along the bare skin at the neckline of his shirt. “As far as mentoring me in magick goes… First, after my last couple of bungles, I don’t think you want to accept responsibility for that. By the way, sorry again for blinding you,” she added in a soft murmur. Giles gave her a forgiving squeeze, trying to keep his mind from focusing completely on the delicious feel of her delicate fingers. “And second, there are many kinds of magicks that are much easier and more effective when done with a lover. So, having your magick mentor also be your lover can only be a good thing.”

Giles sighed. It was beginning to be hard to tell if he was talking her out of it or she was talking him into it. All he was sure of at that moment was how very wonderful she felt.

Willow had somehow managed to sneak a hand under his shirt and was playing it through the hairs on his chest. “Any more reasons I can’t take you upstairs and get all these clothes out of my way?”

“I can only think of one,” he breathed. “Buffy.”

Her hand suddenly stopped moving. “Buffy.”

“I, um, I was half expecting you to tell her the other night. You were so angry with me. But, since all of my bones still seem to be intact, I assume you didn’t.”

“I thought about it. She kept asking me what Spike said to upset me, why I was mad. Part of me wanted to tell her everything that ever happened, and that it was all your fault, that it was your idea. I imagined coming back here with her and laughing while I watched her beat you senseless.”

Giles swallowed hard at the thought. “But you didn’t,” he whispered.

“No. We decided a long time ago that she wouldn’t handle it well. You should have heard some of the rants she made to me when she found out about you and her mom. And the way I was feeling was nobody else’s fault.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you. It was what I had to do if I were to live with myself ever again.”

“I understand,” her voice became muffled as she buried her face deep in his chest. “Seems like you found the perfect reason to get me to back off.”

“You’ll be glad that you feel no obligation to me when someone new comes along.”

“No,” Willow began to cry softly. “No one will ever want me again. I can’t even attract the interest of an ex-librarian who hasn’t had a girlfriend in…” Giles lift her chin to make her look into his eyes. “Sorry,” she whimpered.

“Willow, Luv, too many complications is very different than a lack of interest. You are a beautiful, intelligent, caring, young woman.” At this she snorted. Giles pulled out his handkerchief and dried her face. “Even soggy you’re beautiful.” He lowered his head and caressed her lips with the kiss she should have, not the one she tried to steal before. Willow responded, brushing her soft lips along his and melting into his heated body. When he pulled back, her breath was coming quick and shallow. “Do you believe me?” he murmured.

Willow gazed, blurry eyed, up at him. “I think I feel part of your body that’s trying to tell me you’re not lying,” she whispered.

“I said I was old,” Giles smiled, “not dead.”

“I could…”

He shook his head slowly. “This time it really will go away on its own. Besides, I can’t seem to bring myself to let you go for any reason right now.”

“Can I have one more?” she asked with a slight blush. “Just in case it’s all I ever get.”

Unable to resist, he returned to her mouth and poured all the reasons there were to love her into the kiss. It was tender and loving, neither chaste nor wanton. It was a moment’s glimpse of what they could have had, in another life, in another time.

When they separated, Willow sighed contently with closed eyes. As she snuggled into his chest, she murmured, “Thank you, Giles. For everything.” Emotionally exhausted, she quickly fell asleep in his steady arms.

“My pleasure, Luv,” he breathed, his lips against the top of her head.


	3. Hush

Part 3 -- Hush

 

“Giles!” Willow called loudly as she let herself into his apartment. She knew full well that she might be interrupting something, but she didn’t care. In fact, she hoped she was. Would serve him right, waving his gorgeous girlfriend in her face after what she’s been going through. She knew it wasn’t fair to be angry with him. She’d had happiness for a long time while he went through heartache and despair. But she couldn’t help how she felt.

The redhead shut the door and looked around. It was darker than usual in the apartment. Some of her resolve faded as she considered the possibility that she really was interrupting them. What had she come hoping for? To embarrass him? To make him notice she was still there? Perhaps a small part of her even imagined the possibility of them asking her to join them. No arguing that Olivia was very beautiful. And Giles, no matter how many times he told her no, she didn’t think she’d ever stop wanting him. How could she ever forget the one time they’d been together? He was her first and she’d always love him for that.

Willow heard a soft sigh and seriously considered fleeing from the building. This was a mistake. She was intruding and they didn’t deserve it.

“What's wrong?” The soft voice was in the room with her. It sounded like Giles, but sad… beaten.

She went and clicked on the lamp that sat at the corner of his desk. The soft glow gave her a view of the dark head resting against the back of the couch. Willow carefully walked toward him, aware that she still might be walking in on something. But, as she approached, he didn’t look up at her. He only brought his glass to his lips and swallowed more of its liquid amber contents.

“What are you doing sitting all alone here in the dark?” Willow asked softly, concern suddenly becoming her foremost emotion. “I mean, all the curtains drawn and lights out. I didn’t even know this place could get so gloomy in the daytime.” When he didn’t respond, her eyes focused on the nearly empty bottle that sat on the coffee table. “How long have you been like this?”

Giles finally turned blurry eyes up to her. “What does Buffy need, Willow?”

“Buffy? No… nothing. I came on my own to see you. Buffy’s kinda using our room right now, and this was the only place I thought of coming. So I could visit you.” She smiled brightly, hoping to elicit some emotion from him. “And I, um, really thought Olivia would still be here, and since we didn’t get a chance to talk before… She seems really nice.”

Giles sighed, “She called the day before she arrived. I didn’t mean for it to appear to be a response to what happened between us. I’m sorry if I seemed insensitive…”

“No… no, that’s not… Well, come on, how could I not be a little jealous? I mean, one minute I’m getting smoochies on the couch, and the next I’m staring at your super model girlfriend. But I didn’t mean to be…” To her surprise, this actually earned a chuckle from him. “Um, okay…”

“Sorry,” Giles snorted, reaching a roving hand out for his bottle. “Liv always hated it when people thought she was a model. Said it made her feel like they thought she was dim. I could never convince her it was only because she was that beautiful.” Willow immediately noticed his use of the past tense. She slowly picked up the bottle after he almost knocked it over, and he sighed sadly, resigned that it was being taken away from him. “How could I convince her when she was already settling for me?”

Willow frowned, studying him, before reaching out to hold the glass steady in his hand and pouring the last of the scotch into it. He smiled as if it had suddenly appeared there on its own and concentrated on sipping it as the girl walked away. Soon, with another bottle and a tumbler of her own in hand, she sat down beside him on the couch.

“Tell me what happened?” she asked softy.

Giles started and looked over at her, as if he’d forgotten she was there. “What…? No, nothing… it was nothing.”

“I know better, Giles. You wouldn’t be sitting here alone drinking if nothing was wrong. And no woman on Earth lucky enough to have you would be settling for anything.”

At this, he blew a very unsophisticated sounding raspberry. “Only a worn out old man, well beyond his prime who can’t promise her much because his life is bound to another woman to whom she’ll always come second.”

He watched with great interest as Willow carefully opened the new bottle of scotch and poured some into her own glass. “Is that it? Was she jealous of your relationship with Buffy?”

“Are you sure you should be doing that? I’d hate to be guilty of contributing to the delinquency of a minor.” Giles chuckled at what he had just said, knowing how absurd it sounded after all they had gone through together.

Willow took the tiniest sip from her glass and swallowed carefully. “I’ll be all right. And what kind of friend would I be if I let you sit here and drink all alone?”

He rolled his head back on the couch with a deep sigh. “Have I told you lately what a wonderful young woman you are?” The girl smiled, but didn’t answer him. She sat quietly and waited for him to share whatever was troubling him. Several minutes passed before his voice came back, small and rough. “No, it wasn’t Buffy. She likes Buffy quite a lot, even likes the fact that I’m so dedicated to her welfare.”

“Was it the rest of us?” she whispered carefully. “I know it’s kinda strange for a man like you to have a bunch of kids like us hanging around…”

Giles sighed, a small smile crossing his face. “She thought you were all very charming. In fact, she was impressed by the way you handled yourselves in a crisis.”

Willow could hear pride in his voice and a happy warmth spread through her chest. She knew Giles was proud of Buffy, but hearing that he was proud of all of them was something of a thrill. The warmth turned into a cold lump when the next logical thought came into her brain.

“Oh God, it was me, wasn’t it? She could see it written all over me. I tried so hard not to be jealous, Giles. I wanted to be happy for you. To smile while I watched you with someone so pretty… But she could see right through me. I’m so, so sorry. I just can’t help how I feel about you.”

A large, warm hand took hold of her small one and squeezed. “It wasn’t you, Luv. Liv isn’t the threatened or possessive type.”

Willow gave a jerky nod and tried to slow her breathing. It was amazing how much the thought of taking some happiness from him frightened her. All she wanted to do was give him joy and make him proud. After all he had done for her. 

She didn’t know whether to tense or relax when his strong arm snaked around her shoulders and pulled her into his solid side.

“Would you like to hear a secret?” Giles whispered next to her ear, his hot breath making her skin tingle as it ghosted past her cheek. “Before she left, Olivia warned me that one of the girls had something of a crush on me. Said I should be careful before I broke the poor thing’s heart.”

He nuzzled into her hair, letting the scent of her fill him and wrap warmly around his wounded heart like a soothing balm.

“Giles,” Willow couldn’t help snuggling against him. “Aren’t you supposed to be the grown up here? Not let things go too far and all that?” She swallowed hard, his lips brushing along her ear sending lightning straight to her core.

“I’m tired, Willow. So very tired. Liv was smart, you know. Got away from me before it was too late. Smart enough to be afraid of the darkness… my darkness. But you keep coming back. You remember me when nobody else does. You’re not afraid.”

“Giles,” Willow breathed, turning her head only to come nose to nose with him. “I know how you feel right now. I’ve spent the last few months feeling the same way.” She reached up to place a light hand on his cheek. “I know you’re sad and not quite yourself. But, if I let something happen today, wouldn’t I be doing exactly what you were so afraid to do to me a few weeks ago?” She inhaled a shaky breath when he turned his head and ran his lips across her palm. “I… I don’t want to take advantage of your pain either. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Believe me,” the Watcher moved hungrily to her neck. “I’ll forgive you.”

Willow squeaked at the small nips he made along her sensitive skin. A tear escaped to roll down her cheek as she forced her suddenly hoarse voice to ask, “I know… but will you forgive yourself?” More tears fell when she felt him freeze and burry his face in the crook of her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around him, cupping the back of his head and squeezing him tightly to her as he began to shake almost imperceptibly. “Say yes and I won’t ask again. You know I’m here whatever you need, Giles. If you want me, I’m yours.” Kissing his temple, she held on as the shaking got worse.

After a few minutes of holding him, absorbing his dry, silent tears, Willow knew she couldn’t stay in her current position much longer. Her back was already aching from the way it was twisted. Keeping his head firmly pressed to her shoulder, she scooched her hips around until she was facing him. He seemed to instinctively move with her as she slid her legs up across his laps and slowly lay back. Eventually he was lying beside her on the couch, his arms wrapped around her, his face still hidden in her soft sweater.

Willow closed her eyes and waited for whatever was to come next. It didn’t matter what he would need, she was resolved not to abandon him.

“I’m sorry,” his quiet whisper startled her from a half-doze when it finally came. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry,” he kept repeating into her skin.

“What, Giles?” Willow couldn’t control the tears leaking from the corners of her eyes as he kept moaning his apologies. “You didn’t do anything. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

He shook his head against her, refusing to lift it and have to look her in the eyes. “What have I become? What kind of man would use his friend, little more than a child, just to plaster over the cracks in his own ego? I’m no better than the monsters we kill.”

“Stop that!” Willow pulled is head up to force him to look at her. “You’re a good man, Giles. One of the best I know. It’s not like you were looking for something I wasn’t offering. God, you know I want to so bad I could scream... And you call me a child again and see what kind of punch in the nose it gets you.” She grinned at the tiny smile that flashed in his eyes. “You have to know how much I love you. And I can’t stand seeing you hurt because the rest of the world seems to be too stupid to see how wonderful you are. You’re worth facing the monsters and the darkness and anything else lurking out there. And so help me, I’m never going to let you forget that.”

Giles stared in disbelief at the sincerity in her eyes. It was all the truth as she saw it. She did love him. And, though he knew it could never be, he could easily see loving her too.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered again.

Willow frowned. “Are you looking for a slap or a kiss? ‘Cause I’m about to give you one of those to make you stop saying that, Mister.”

A pulse of elation rolled through her as she watched the smile spread from his eyes to the rest of his face. It was such a glorious sight when he genuinely smiled, and the girl deeply wished she could make him do it more often.

A flash of mischief lit in his eyes just before he whispered, “I’m sor--” Giles easily caught the hand that was swinging playfully toward his cheek and planted a hard peck on her lips before beginning a very ungraceful trip back to sitting upright. Willow found it impossible to help him untangle their limbs as his continued antics sent her into fits of hysterics. 

“Do you feel better now?” she giggled when they were finally situated.

Giles picked up his tumbler and gulped down its remaining contents. “I will,” he mumbled. “With you here to remind me how much I still have, I will.”

***  
“…And Xander really beat up on Spike?” Willow howled with laughter.

“Walloped the bloody piss out of him,” Giles snickered. “Wasssh… was a beautiful thing to witness.”

“All for Anya. That’s so sweet.”

Giles’ empty glass clunked down hard on the table. “From what I saw, the boy was amply rewarded.” He turned squinted eyes on Willow, his spectacles having disappeared long before. “Ya know wha’ I think?”

Willow waited, staring at his broad smiled for a few moments, then laughed, “What do you think?”

He blinked, confused for a moment. “Oh yes… I think she might be good for him.”

“Yeah,” Willow chuckled. “I’m still warming up to her, but as long as she seems to care about Xander, I can deal.”

“Stupid boy,” Giles muttered under his breath. “He could have had the most amazing girl…”

“Aww… Thanks, Giles.” The redhead reached over to rub his back. He looked over at her as if he didn’t realize she was the one he was talking about. His expression changed as his brain finally caught up with what he’d said, and the boyish grin he gave her caused a blush to bloom on Willow’s cheeks. She didn’t even know it was possible to look so innocent and so roughish at the same time. “I’m, ah, I’m surprised you even let Spike be here, with Olivia and all.”

“No sense hiding him. No sense hiding anything anymore.” The Watcher’s shoulders slumped and he reached for his empty glass.

“No, no, no...” Willow swung her arms around his shoulders. “We’re happy now. Laughing. Making merry with the drunkenness. No frowning.” His hand came up to squeeze her arm in a return of the affection. “Hey, I could get Xand to bring Spike over here now so you could beat him up. Bet that’d make you happy.”

Giles looked over into her eyes before breaking into laughter. With one last squeeze, the girl released the hug. Swinging around to the end table, she picked up the bottle and set it down in front of him. He picked it up only to find it, too, was empty.

“Well… that would explain why we’re merry with the drunkenness,” the Watcher chuckled.

“Speak for yourself,” Willow pointed to her nearly empty tumbler, “that’s still my first glass.”

“Why Miss Rosenberg,” Giles feigned outrage… badly. “Did you plan to have me drunk an’ helpless this eening?”

His young friend laughed. “Not really a plan, but I like how it’s working out.”

Giles spread himself more comfortably on the couch. “Wha’ would you want with a helpless ol’ man annway?” he sighed.

“I’d want this ‘old man’ however I can get him.” She stretched over to brush a stray lock of hair from his forehead before standing and collecting the glassware on the table. “It’s getting late and I bet you haven’t eaten all day. You rest here and I’ll see what kind of dinner I can pull out of your fridge.” A soft smile crossed her lips as she watched his eyes flutter shut in contentment.

Giles might have been a bachelor, but he didn’t keep a bachelor’s refrigerator. It was possible he had stocked up for Olivia’s visit, but Willow knew better. The Watcher was always ready for the days his home was overrun with teenagers. Young, energetic people with appetites to match. It didn’t happen as often lately as it used to, and Willow knew deep down he missed it. He never even complained anymore about the locusts descending and stripping his kitchen bare. And she knew how much he loved to complain. Yet, his stores were still stocked with all the favorites of the Scoobies. Even the junk food Giles had deemed inedible.

After surveying the possibilities, Willow decided on sandwiches. They were easy to make, easy to eat, and the bread would soak up at least some of Giles’ liquid diet. She was in the middle of her gastronomic constructions when crashes coming from the hallway startled her. Rushing to the doorway, she wasn’t too surprised to find Giles leaning heavily against the wall.

“I thought I told you to stay and rest,” Willow giggled.

“I…” he pointed to the end of the short hallway. “I have to, um, you know…”

“Wow. I spend hours getting you drunk out of your mind, and you’re still too proper to actually say you have to pee?”

Giles let out a funny little giggle and held onto the wall as he attempted to stand upright. “Like to throttle whoever put the restroom so far away.”

The girl laughed, stepping forward and under his arm to help steady him. “You think you can handle this kind of intricate operation? Or would you like an extra hand?”

He looked down into her eyes for a moment. Willow could almost hear the thoughts drifting through his mind. The longing for what he had decreed could never be. Then, the moment passed, and he broke the gaze. “I’ll figure it out,” he chuckled, moving forward. “Many years of practice to fall back on. Shouldn’t be too difficult.”

Willow watched him make his way to the bathroom. “I’ll have dinner ready in a minute. Yell if you need anything.” With a cheeky wink, he shut the door behind him.

***  
Giles struggled to catch his breath after another round of laughter. “Oh… gonna feel like hell in the morning,” he sighed.

“It’ll be better if you finish your food and drink your tea. We need to stay hydrated because alcohol causes dehydration and that’s one of the things that leads to hangovers.”

He looked suspiciously at the girl. “And how are you such an expert?”

Willow giggled. “Research girl here. Actually, Xander and I used to think we could find ways to help his dad. Well, back before we found out the last thing he wanted was our help.” She ducked her head sadly.

“I’ve… I don’t believe I was ever introduced to Xander’s parents.”

“Not an accident, Giles.” At her statement, Willow caught a flash of sad uncertainty cross the Watcher’s face. She couldn’t fathom why he ever felt unsure of himself. How could a man like him ever lack confidence? “It’s not you,” she added quickly. “Xander’s dad has this habit of ruining everything he’s ever cared about. When you came along, you gave Xander something he’s never had. An older man he could look up to, and who expected him to do something other than fail. Giles, I happen to know you mean more to Xander than any other man in his life.”

The drunken blush on Giles’ cheeks grew darker. “An’ here I thought his purpose in life was to irritate me.”

Willow smiled. “He tries the best he knows how for you.” She suddenly giggled at a thought, and Giles fixed her with a curious stare. “It’s just… Well, one more reason you’ve never met. We’ve all noticed how protective you are. And… and we all love you for it. Sometimes, back in school, he used to imagine you were there when his dad was really bad. And he’d imagine you’d give his dad a punch in the nose and tell him to leave the boy alone. I think Xander never let you meet because he wasn’t sure if he was more afraid that you would or you wouldn’t.”

Giles suddenly sprang to his feet. “Any man who abuses a child deserves a good thrashing. We should go…” The world began to spin and he quickly returned to the couch.

A small, comforting hand wrapped around his arm. “Easy, Ripper,” she chuckled as he glared at her use of the nickname. “Xander can take care of himself now. You showed him how to do that.”

“Never realized,” Giles muttered. “Should’ve paid closer attention to all of you. Let things get out of hand too often and put you all in unnecessary danger.”

“There you go doing it again.” Giles looked unsteadily over at her, confusion in his eyes. “You’re always tearing yourself down for things that aren’t your fault.”

“Is my fault! I brought all of you into this, this dark world. Put everyone around me in danger. Everyone would have been better off without me.”

The Watcher began to curl into a ball of self-loathing again and Willow was determined not to let him spend one more second in such a state. She moved quickly, crawling onto his lap, straddling his thighs. Holding his face in both hands, just inches from hers, she forced him to focus on what she was saying.

“Listen to me and listen good, ‘cause I’m not going over this with you again. We’ll start with Buffy. She is the Slayer. Correct?” He nodded. “Her birthright brought her into this. The one girl in all the world… And for the last four years she’s had you there, keeping her alive and letting her have the most normal life possible. If you weren’t sent to be her Watcher, someone else would have been, and I’m willing to bet she wouldn’t have made it this far.”

“But I’m not Watcher anymore,” Giles whispered. “Fired remember?”

“Oh, I remember. And we all saw how well that went. You ended up keeping both Buffy and Wes alive. Right?” She moved her hands, making him nod. “And as for Xander and me, even if we hadn’t been friends with Buffy, we still live here. Still went to high school on the Hellmouth. You let us be useful, taught us how to survive in this place. You always gave us somewhere to go when things got scary.”

“Yet I couldn’t keep horrible things from happening to you. All of you.”

Willow sighed, leaning her forehead against his. “If you don’t believe I speak for all of us, believe I know my own feelings. When I think of what my life would be like without you in it, it physically hurts. You’re a part of me now and I can’t not love you. I thought I was gonna die when Oz left me. But when I think about you not being here with me and for me, I don’t even want to find a way to go on living. Do you understand me?”

Before Giles could answer, she closed the tiny gap and kissed him. Willow felt his arms snake around her back, holding her to him. As he returned her kiss, she noticed that these kisses were sloppier than the other night, more instinctual, much less reserved. She had succeeded in lowering his inhibitions, loosening him up. But, as he got drunker, she also knew she had to be the one to remain in control, for his sake. Willow never wanted him to regret anything because of her ever again.

In that moment, however, she needed him to feel everything she was trying to tell him. And everything that was impossible to articulate. Just as her fingers were weaving themselves into his feathery hair, the shrill ring of the phone shattered the peace of the room.

Willow ended the kiss and leaned her brow against his, panting. “Saved by the bell,” she breathed with a regretful smile. He nodded against her with a rueful chuckle of his own before helping to lift her off his lap.

Being the steadier of the two, Willow bounded over to the phone and stopped its insistent trilling.

“Giles’ residence… -- Oh, hi Buffy!” Giles peeked over the couch with a worried expression. The girl shook her head at him. Buffy didn’t sound like she was in trouble, and didn’t need to hear him slurring his words and start to worry for his sake. “You just got in from patrol? Wow, I didn’t even realize it was that late. Anything you want me to tell Giles about? -- Sorry. Didn’t mean for you to worry. You were kinda in the middle of something and I didn’t know I was gonna end up here when I left. -- He’s, um, working on a prophecy, and I, I decided to help out… -- No! Nothing to worry about. Turns out it takes place in about a hundred years.” Willow waved Giles off in irritation when he began snickering at her lies.

“No, I think I’ll stay for a while. See, the prophecy was translated into both Sumerian and Arabic and the subtle differences have us fascinated. Would you like to come…? -- Oh, too bad. -- Don’t worry, if it gets too late I’ll just crash on Giles’ couch and see you in the morning. I’ll be safe here, Right?” She gave him a wicked wink while Buffy spoke. “Of course. Tomorrow you can tell me all about what Riley said. -- Goodnight, Buff.”

Willow hung up and returned to Giles and the couch.

“I suppose it’s good that Buffy believes me to be so dull that research is the only possible thing I could be doing with you,” the Watcher sighed.

“At least she thinks I’m safe here with you.”

“But are you?” he whispered, his eyes dark and his voice deep.

Willow gave him a small smile. “I think I’m as safe with you as you are with me.”

His large hand wrapped around hers and squeezed. “Maybe you really should go.”

The girl lifted their hands and brushed her soft lips along his knuckles. “You only want me to go because it’s my turn.”

“Your…,” Giles blinked in confusion, “your turn?”

“Yep,” she grinned. “It’s not often I have you silly enough to play Truth or Truth with me and I’m not wasting it.”

“I, um, I thought it was Truth or Dare.”

Willow sighed. “We went over this when we started. The dare part would just be too dangerous because right now neither of us are in the mindset to refuse to do something very, very stupid. Besides, the only thing I can think of daring you to do is exactly what we’re trying to keep our minds off of doing.” Giles snorted and started sniggering. “What?”

“Sorry,” he tried unsuccessfully to get control of himself. “Is just that… That was a lot of words. And a lot of… ‘doing’.”

“You really do become a child when you’re drunk. Oh, shut up so I can think of a question,” Willow laughed. There were many things about Giles she wanted to know, but tonight wasn’t for her sake. There was too much sadness in his past, too much pain. She finally decided on something she really wanted to know and that he would tell her, if anyone. “Okay, you ready?”

“Truthfully? No.”

The redhead playfully slapped him in the arm. “Too bad. What I want to know is… Did you really torture Spike while he was staying here?”

Giles sighed and leaned forward, reaching for his tea cup. He slowly brought it to his lips for a sip. When he spoke, it was softly, and some of the cheer in his voice had vanished. “Do you think I’m capable of such a thing? As you recall, I have had first-hand experience.”

Willow frowned and inwardly cursed herself. “I was here. I’ll never forget. And, if it was anyone else, I’d say you never would… but it was Spike, and after I reacted so badly to him showing up…”

“The answer is no, Willow. There were times I reacted to him with violence. And times he was none too pleased with my ignoring his whining. But he was well treated. Better than he deserved.” He took another sip of his tea. “You are more forgiving than I, Luv. He should pay for what he did to you. If you asked me to end him…”

“I know. He’d be dust within the hour,” Willow whispered. “I’m sorry I made you put up with him. But it was a long time ago and I’m the same as I would be if it never happened.”

Giles shook his head. “I don’t believe you are. If not for what he did, I don’t believe you’d be here now. You should be out having the adventures of university, not here tending to a drunken sod. And you would have never gotten it in your head that taking a useless old man as a lover would ever be an acceptable idea.”

Blinking rapidly, Willow tried to dry the tears forming in her eyes. “I hope you’re wrong about that. I hope I’d be here for my friend when he needed me, no matter what happened in the past. And the idea of taking a ‘useless old man’ is not what’s in my head. However, the idea of being more than a child to you was there long before Spike forced you to… No… long before the night you made love to me. Giles, I know the majority of girls aren’t lucky enough to feel what I did the first time. I know a lot of what I felt was how much you cared about me.” She smiled. “The way a gentleman is supposed to make a lady feel.”

“You’ll find one,” he whispered. “You’ll find your gentleman.” After a few moments, Giles cleared his throat. “Do I get a turn now?”

Willow brightened and chuckled. “Of course, Silly. That’s the game. Ask me anything.”

“Yes, right… Willow, have you ever been frightened?” She narrowed her eyes. “Of course you have. I meant of me or with me? Because of me?”

She thought for a minute. “You mean like the time Ethan showed up and brought your past with him? Or the way you sometimes get all grr when you have to fight?” Giles nodded, fear of her answer plainly written in his blurred eyes. “When you’re with me I feel safe. I know you’ll do what you have to, to protect me. But, if you really need to know, there was one time I was terrified.”

“I do. Please tell me.”

Willow studied his anxious face for a moment and shook her head briskly. “I don’t think you’re in any state for this. It wasn’t important and you don’t need to know.”

He had a focused, haunted look as he gazed into her eyes. “The rules say you must. I… I need to know, Willow. The thought of you being afraid of me…”

“It’s not like that at all, Giles.” The girl climbed up on her knees to fully face him. She scrunched her face up, trying to think of the best place to start. “Okay… Just listen and try not to freak until I finish explaining. All right?” Giles nodded, but she could tell from the look on his face that he reserved the right to freak. “It was that night… with Spike.”

The Watcher pounded his fist on the table and snarled, “That dead man is dead. I’m going to bite his bloody head off.”

“Calm down! You said you’d listen.”

“But I knew…” he ran his hands over his face. “He turned me into the monster you feared. God, when I think of how I must have hurt you…” 

“I was terrified because I didn’t want you to find out that I wasn’t!” Willow sighed when Giles focused on her again. “I was afraid of disappointing you. I thought you’d see through me, see that deep down I was living out a kind of fantasy. One where I’d know what it was like to have you and there was no guilt because we were being forced by a bad guy.

“And even though it never crossed my mind that you would let Spike hurt me, I was afraid that you’d be so repulsed by me that you’d try any other way out, and when there wasn’t, you still wouldn’t want to touch me at all. And when the time finally came, and you where all naked and gorgeous there in front of me, I was afraid that my inexperience would make me a huge disappointment for you. That I’d touch you the wrong way or do something I wasn’t supposed to. I was afraid that I’d be so unimpressive and forgettable to you that you’d never even think about me in any kind of grown up way again. And I was ashamed because, in a way, I was guilty of using you for my own sick little daydream. For a little while I forgot about Spike all together.” Willow ducked her head and sniffed a little. “I’m sorry, Giles, and I’ll understand if you want me to go now.”

The deep chuckle that rolled in his chest began to grow until it spilled out of the man. Willow looked at him with worried confusion. This was it, she had finally managed to drive him completely out of his mind. First she had helped him get drunker than she had ever seen him, and then she confessed something that probably changed everything about the way he saw her. She was a wicked girl and he would want to stay away from her from that point on.

Swallowing down her rising despair, she moved to get off the couch and leave him in peace. Willow nearly jumped out of her skin when the still-laughing Watcher grabbed her wrist and pulled her to his body. He couldn’t speak yet, but his strong embrace was not letting her escape.

After several deep breaths, Giles found his voice. “What a silly girl you are.”

“Listen, you have every right to be mad at me, but there’s no need to be rude.”

He hadn’t lost any of his humor as he began stroking his fingers through her hair. “After the things I’ve told you, I don’t think there is any chance that you still think you could have possibly disappointed me. True, you shouldn’t have been thinking about me in such scandalous ways, but how can I blame you. I mean, you were a beautiful young girl, and I was a run-down middle aged librarian. It was my fault for flaunting my mediocrity in front of you…”

Willow managed to squirm around in his arms until she could look him in the eyes. The dark melancholy was back and it hurt her heart to see it in him as strong as when she’d found him that afternoon. “Right then,” she decided. “I think it’s time to get off this rollercoaster for tonight. I’m taking you to bed.”

“Why not?” Giles’ laughter was nearly hysterical as she got up and began tugging him up behind her. “I’ve already done plenty to ruin your young life. Why not make my work complete?” He stumbled and swayed unsteadily as they made their way to the stairs and Willow tucked herself under his arm for support.

“Shut up!” she barked about half way through the slow trek up the stairs. “You’re making me want to cry. Is that what you’re going for?”

The laughter stopped at that, and he was quiet until she sat him on his bed. He didn’t protest when she pulled his sweater and shirt off over his head and knelt to remove his shoes and socks. Then she stood and strode away with an order of, “Take your pants off.”

“Willow, I’m sorry.” Giles ducked his head and shook it slowly. “Whatever you have planned, I’m not strong enough to refuse you anything tonight. Promise me, if we go through with this, make sure it’s what you want, not what you think I need.”

A small smile crossed the girl’s lips. Even when he wasn’t being himself, he was still Giles. “Do you want sweats or pajamas tonight?” she asked, opening his dresser drawer. She glanced back at the lack of an answer. The Watcher was sprawled over his bed. He had managed to unfasten the fly of his jeans, but had made no further progress before passing out. 

Willow allowed herself to gaze at the lovely, relaxed sight for a few moments before starting to shed her own clothes. She pulled one of his pajama tops from the drawer and buttoned the knee length shirt around her. Crossing to retrieve the blanket from the armchair in the corner, she returned to the bed and draped it over her sleeping friend. Willow crawled in beside him, and rested her head on his warm, solid chest.

“It’s okay, Giles. I’m here to take care of you.”

His arm instinctively wrapped around her as he released a deep sigh in his sleep, “My Willow.” And the girl drifted off with a smile.

***  
Giles woke the next morning alone with his pounding head. It took him a little while to find the note on his bedside table, and quite a bit longer to find his glasses downstairs. By then he was able to focus enough to read the hasty scrawl.

Dear Giles,

I’m sorry I left you to wake up alone. I had an early class today, and you looked so peaceful I didn’t have the heart to disturb you. Take care of yourself today. Drink lots of fluids and try to eat something. Most of all, when you start remembering last night, no beating yourself up! You didn’t do anything wrong and were a perfect gentleman. Got that?!? I’ll be by to check on you later.

Love always,

Willow

Giles made his way slowly to the kitchen and looked at the liquor bottles on the counter. With a tiny smile dancing on his lips, he took the kettle instead and began to fill it.


	4. Doomed

4 -- Doomed 

 

“I think I should do at least a sweep,” Buffy said, brushing off, or rubbing in, more soot from the burnt out school. “Who knows what all that rumbling from the Hellmouth might’ve stirred up?”

“Um,” Riley stumbled over his words. He couldn’t believe how he had just blown his cover in front of everyone. “You might be right. Mind if I tag along for a while?”

Buffy grinned at him. “Just try not to get in my way.” She turned to her friends. “You guys all right getting home?”

Xander and Willow nodded while Spike perked up, “I’ll make sure…” The sight of Riley eyeing him suspiciously made him slip back his awful American accent. “…They get there okey doky. Right there… where they’re there…”

The resulting eye rolling nearly caused another earthquake.

“We need to go back and check on Giles,” Willow told the guys as the others departed. 

Xander gave her a puzzled look, but followed when she started off at a brisk pace. “It’s G-man. He’s all right, Wills. Probably already got himself off to bed.”

“We’re going to check on him,” the girl asserted.

“He said he was fine,” Xander tried to sooth her. He wasn’t trying to argue as much as calm his friend’s apparent worries. “Remember, he told us all to go and leave him.”

Willow whirled around. “The world was ending. Xand, it’s Giles. He always says he’s fine. You know that.” The boy nodded, remembering the many instances when their mentor had sought to hide his own weakness from them. The redhead turned her hard gaze on the vampire. “And no whining from you.”

“What? Hell, I don’t mind going back to check in on the ol’ man. Hey, if he’s still bleedin’ maybe he’ll give us a lick or two. You know, for old time’s sake.”

Xander shuddered. “Do I even want to guess at what he’s talking about?”

“He’s trying to get on my nerves,” Willow growled. “Spike, I’m not in the mood tonight.”

The blond vampire snorted and walked on ahead of them. “Maybe not for me you’re not. But for him…?” He let the words hang in the air as the gap between them increased.

“Okay. Is there something I’m missing here?”

Willow quickened her pace and muttered, “He really wants me to regret saving him today. Come on. Giles needs us.”

 

***

 

Xander swung the door open quietly and sighed as Willow pushed passed him. They could see Giles slumped down in the corner of the couch. He hadn’t moved since they’d left him there. The girl crouched down next to him and softly placed a hand against the only unmarked part of his face she could find. She was trying to be gentle so he wouldn’t jerk awake and hurt himself, which is exactly what he did.

“No, no… Shhh, it’s just me,” Willow tried to soothe as he groaned in pain.

Giles opened his eyes and fought to focus on her. “Did the world end?” he finally whispered, forcing a tiny smile through his grimace. 

She returned a sympathetic grin. “Nope. The Scoobies triumph again.”

“Wonderful,” Giles sighed with more than a hint of sarcasm.

Spike flopped down beside him on the couch, pulling another growl from the Watcher at the pain caused by the jostling. “’S right. Those little demons that took you apart were no match for the rest of the team.”

“Back off, Spike!” Xander barked. “He was alone and outnumbered.”

“What’s he doing here, anyway,” Giles groaned, holding his head.

“Spike tried to stake himself today,” Willow whispered, running her fingers soothingly through his hair and not caring what either Spike or Xander thought of it.

Giles looked up with a hint of confusion in his blurred gaze. “And you brought him here because you thought I’d like to be the one holding the stake?”

“That was basically my reaction,” Xander sniggered.

Ignoring them, Willow looked up at Xander. “He’s in real pain. Go get his pills and something so he can take them, please.”

The young man nodded. “What do you think, aspirin?”

“I’m all right,” Giles groaned, then gritted his teeth as he shifted wrong.

“Get him the good stuff,” the redhead ordered. “The bottle he hides behind the towels in the cabinet.” Xander nodded and turned for the bathroom.

“How…” the Watcher began, and then shook his head. Why did he think he could hide anything from them?

Willow gave him a smirk. “Who do you think told your doctor you’d be needing that prescription for a long time?”

“Not that he’ll share any, Lil’ Red,” Spike piped up. “But I’m smellin’ a lot more blood than those scratches on his face.”

Willow frowned at the annoyance in Giles’ eyes. “He’s telling the truth, isn’t he? Where else did they cut you?”

“You don’t need to fret. I’ll be…” All his energy sapped by the pain, Giles didn’t have the strength to stop her from lifting his shirt. 

“Giles!” He had scratches everywhere. It looked like someone went after him with a gardening rake.

“It’s… They’re not deep,” the Watcher finally explained. “I think they’ll heal all right if I can just bandage them up. Problem is, every time I try to move to get my supplies more tear open.”

“And I suppose you won’t just let us take you to the hospital, huh?”

Giles grimaced. “All they’d do is patch me up just like we can here. Only in a cold room with all the world staring in at the poor old man with the frequent visitor card.” Willow smiled at the fact he could still joke. “And would you stop gaping at me like I’m a piece of bloody meat!?!”

“Sorry to tell ya’, Mate. But, to me, you look very much like a piece of bloody meat,” Spike grinned. “You know how long it’s been since I’ve tasted the sweet perfection of human blood?”

Willow made a disgusted face. “Lay off him, Spike. Just go away and leave him alone.”

“What d’ya say, Watcher? Ever been licked all over by another man? I could make sure you enjoy it. You know I can’t hurt you or the rotting chip’ll fire.”

“You’re disgusting, Spike,” the redhead growled. “Now get away from him before I make you.”

“Fine. But I thought you’d be the one to be a little more open minded about that sort of thing.”

“Believe me, it’s not because you’re a man. It’s because you’re not.”

“In addition,” Giles softly chimed in. “You don’t seem to be at your most attractive today.”

Spike looked down at the long khaki shorts and flowery shirt he was wearing. “I bet he wouldn’t complain if you wanted to lick him all over,” he pouted at Willow.

She turned just in time to see the horrified look on Xander’s face. “Ok, I am definitely missing something and I don’t really know if I’m brave enough to find out what it is.”

Giles looked up at him with an exhausted calm settled on his features. “Spike fancies me, and Willow is defending my honor.”

“Maybe we should check him for a concussion,” Xander whispered to Willow.

“He’ll be all right,” the girl took the pills and water from him. “I need you to go get me the first aid kit so I can clean out these scratches. Then you’re going to take Spike out of here before I turn him into a toad.”

“Oh, I’d pay to see that,” Xander perked up.

“As would I,” added Giles. He took the drugs she handed him with a tired huff, knowing there was no arguing when the young lady set her formidable mind to taking care of him.

“Xand,” she sighed. “He looks like those demons used him as a scratching post. Someone’s gonna have to clean all the wounds and bandage him up. I know you can help, but I don’t want Spike here ogling him like he’s some kind of appetizer.”

“It’s late. You sure you don’t want me to stick around to help and walk you home?”

Willow glanced at Giles, who was already relaxing as he waited for the powerful pain killers to take effect. “No, thanks. I think, with that knock on his head, I should stay and keep an eye on him anyway.”

“You two do know I can hear you talking about me like I’m an invalid, don’t you?” Giles groused, but with a resigned quirk of his lips.

Xander laughed. “What would you do if it was one of us sitting there looking like that?”

His mentor showed him a loose grin. “You’re adults now. I’d send you home to look after yourselves.”

“Those drugs are already kicking in, aren’t they?” Xander laughed.

“It’s lovely,” Giles breathed, his eyes drifting closed.

Willow let her shoulders relax a little as some of her worry drifted away. “We’ll be fine, Xand. I know you have to work in the morning. I’ll call if he needs anything.”

“Right. I guess that’s a plan then.” He turned to get the first aid kit.

Spike chuckled, “Yeah, good plan. Get us out of the way so you can do nasty things with the helpless old man. Better be careful, Red, you’re getting worse and worse at hiding it. Even the block-head boy is starting to figure it out.”

“Xander and I have always been here when Giles needed us. It’s only your demented imagination that’s turning this into anything else.”

“You’re fooling yourself, Girly. I can see everything you want to do to him in your eyes. If you looked at me like that, I wouldn’t waste--” Spike’s sentence cut off abruptly as his body went into spasm.

“I think it’s time for quiet now,” Giles stated easily. Willow followed his arm to where his fingers were digging into a cluster of nerves near Spikes kidney, or, what was once a kidney.

The vampire roared at the pain and lunged to retaliate without thinking. The next moment his chip fired and he crumpled onto the floor, curled in agony.

Xander ran back into the room carrying the professional sized first aid kit. “What? What’s happening?”

“Ah, thank you, Xander,” Giles voice was smoother now. “Spike has worn out his welcome. I think it’s time for you to take him away now. And, if you don’t mind, that bag you so kindly filled earlier with the remnants of my coffee table.”

Spike groaned, “Are you tellin’ him to take me out with the trash?” Both youngsters laughed as the vampire glared. “I should’ve drank you dry when I had the chance, Watcher.”

“But you didn’t,” Giles looked at him with clear, dangerous eyes for the first time that night. “You did what you thought would be much worse. We’ve learned to live with the consequences of that night, Spike. And, if you test me, harmless or not, I will keep the promise I made to you.”

Willow lightly placed a hand over his. “It’s all right, Giles. He’s all talk. He can’t hurt me now.”

Xander frowned. He may not have known what happened that night, knew better than to ask, but he could tell it was bad and that the Watcher still thought about it. He hated when his friends were hurting. And he’d never forget that Spike was one of the monsters that caused them pain. No matter what Buffy needed from him.

He picked up the bag and nudged the vampire with his knee. “Come on. Move before I decide to have an accident with a crossbow. We wouldn’t want your brand new reason for living to go to waste.” Glancing at Willow as she began to spread the implements for cleaning Giles’ wounds out on the couch, he said, “Call me if you guys need anything.” Both nodded.

“Don’t you see what’s goin’ on?” Spike pouted as Xander pushed him out the door. “Your little friend is hot for the old man. She’s gonna drug him up so she can shag him for the rest of the night.”

“Shut up, Spike!” Xander snarled. “Your lies aren’t even imaginative anymore. You’re just sick.”

Willow saw the worried spark in Giles’ eyes as the door shut. “Xand will never believe him. And you know he loves us both, no matter what.”

“Spike’s trying harder to stir things up now,” Giles winced as she began cleaning the dried blood from his face. “Xander might not listen, but what if he does tell Buffy?”

“She won’t believe him either.”

“Are you sure?” he whispered. “You have been spending a lot more time here alone.”

“Only because you needed me,” Willow smiled. “And Buffy’s my best friend, but she’s not the best at seeing what’s happening in other people’s relationships. Besides, she’s kinda been all about Riley lately. Not exactly there to know that I’m not.”

“Yes, the young man I met at her party. How long has she been seeing him?”

She stood up and gripped the hem of his shirt. “Can you put your arms on my shoulders?” He slowly complied with more pain-filled wincing. Willow frowned in sympathy as she gently removed his garment. “He’s all right, Giles. He’s the TA in our Psych class.”

Giles leaned back into the cushion with relief that he could stop moving. It was easier for the drugs to make him forget the pain that way. “A university TA interested in a freshman girl,” he suddenly mumbled. “That seems odd, considering the age gap.”

Willow chuckled as she sat down beside him and picked a rather nasty looking set of gashes across his chest to start on. “You’re one to talk. Being all sexy enough to seduce a girl who was still in high school. Even if she was just a dorky nerd.”

His arm lightly curled around her shoulders. “You never knew how beautiful you were. You still don’t. And, if I had that stupid boy here now, I’d like to horse whip him for hurting you like that.”

Willow closed her eyes and leaned carefully into the hug. “Watch it,” she whispered after several moments. “If you keep being all sweet I might start thinking about what Spike said I was gonna do with you.”

“You wouldn’t want to kill a beaten old man in such a way,” the Watcher chuckled. “Don’t worry. Someone else will see how beautiful you are soon. I’m sure of it.”

She gently pushed away and looked up into his face. “Giles, I kinda wanted to ask you about…” He watched her lose her nerve at the last moment and lower her gaze to concentrate on his wounds again. “Never mind,” she mumbled.

Knowing that it must be something important if she was shy about talking to him, Giles didn’t want to push her and instead decided to change the subject for the time being. If she wanted his advice, she would speak to him when she was ready. “What did Xander mean about Spike having a new reason to live?” he asked softly.

Willow grabbed another gauze pad as the scratch she was working on began to bleed. “Huh… Oh. It turns out Spike can hit other demons. So, he can cause the carnage and mayhem that makes him happy. Only now he has to do it to other evil things.” She hissed in sympathy as she pulled a large sliver out of a deep wound in his side.

Giles laid his head back on the couch. “He should be careful. He may find out fighting demons isn’t the fun it appears to be.” His young nurse laughed as he joked through his pain.

***

“Willow…” Giles murmured, his eyes remaining closed.

“Shh… You’re asleep,” she whispered with a giggle.

“Not asleep enough that I don’t feel what you’re doing.”

The girl giggled again. “Calm down, I’m just following a scratch. Like I’m brave enough to start molesting you in your sleep anyway.”

Giles opened his eyes and looked down at her as she pushed his opened trousers farther down his hips. “You are, without question, one of the bravest people I have ever had the fortune to know.”

Willow looked up to meet his steady, if hazy, gaze. She smiled, but could find no answer for the complement. “Um… One of them must have grabbed you by the belt, or something. What did they do, play hacky-sack with you?”

The Watcher let out a snort. “Perhaps, if they had only kicked me around for a while, I would have come out less damaged.”

“Less external damage maybe,” she muttered as she dabbed at a line of torn skin. With a frustrated sigh, she again looked up at him. “Okay, this isn’t gonna work. Either you’ll have to get these last few yourself, or you have to trust me to control myself and let me get these jeans out of my way.”

Willow watched the thoughts float by behind his eyes until he finally answered, “Buffy hasn’t checked in from patrol yet.”

“Actually, she has. She stopped by a little while ago, but you had just relaxed enough to fall asleep and neither of us had the heart to wake you. She said it looked like all the bads were hunkered down for the apocalypse. She went back to the dorm to rest when I told her I was gonna stay to keep an eye on you.” Willow’s smile held a hint of sympathy. “No one is going to come in and find you naked and vulnerable. It’s just me, safe, plain little Willow.”

Giles reached out to stroke his fingers through her fiery hair. “Dear, beautiful girl,” he rumbled. “If I had only a breath’s less self-control, you would never be safe around me.”

The girl ducked her head and blinked the forming tears from her eyes. “Thank you,” she breathed. With effort, the Watcher managed to lift his hips enough for her to remove the remainder of his clothing. After surveying him with a slight smile, Willow looked up to find his uncertain eyes on her. “You look kinda like a mummy right now, with all the bandages,” she chuckle. “And you’re still as gorgeous as I remember you.”

The goofy grin that crossed his face took ten years from his worry-laden features. Willow was really beginning to like these new pain-killers. “Be careful with the flattery. In this state I can’t be responsible for all the responses my body might have for you.”

Willow giggled as she returned to her work. “Don’t worry, Giles. If something down here wakes up to greet me, I’ll know exactly what to do with it.”

“Willow…” he warned affectionately.

***

Giles was nearly purring at the soothing feel of light fingers running through his hair and massaging his scalp. His eyes fluttered open to a vision of the lovely, young face staring down at him.

“I’m done,” she murmured to him. “I think I got all of them cleaned out now. Hopefully no more demon germies to worry about.”

“Thank you, Luv,” the Watcher breathed warmly.

Willow smiled. “I brought your pillows and a blanket down here. I figured jammies would just mess up the bandages tonight, so…”

Giles rolled his head to see the couch partially made up next to him. “You just want to keep me naked and at your mercy,” he chuckled.

The girl bent to kiss his brow. “I love goofy Giles. You know that, right?”

“I feel better now. Thank you,” he sighed, taking her hand and giving a gentle squeeze.

“I’m glad. Do you feel like lying down?”

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” he commented, seemingly out of the blue.

Willow was confused for a moment. She took him by the shoulders to guide him down on the couch and spread the blanket over him. “Of course, I do,” she responded automatically.

“Yet something is worrying you,” he prodded, positioning himself on his side and pulling her down to sit with him on the couch. “Now’s your chance,” he grinned. “I’m in a rather altered state. One which will no doubt cause me to answer truthfully and have no future recollection of the conversation.”

“Are you saying I doped you up good?”

“Indeed.”

Willow looked at him thoughtfully for a while. Trying to work up the courage to ask him the personal things that might shock him. Trying to decide if she wanted to share the discovery of new and somewhat frightening feelings with him. With a small nod she made up her mind. Willow carefully lay down with him, wrapping herself in his safe embrace.

“Giles, have you ever had feelings for someone you didn’t think you ever would?” she asked softly.

“You mean, like a beautiful girl who’s much too young for me and light-years out of my league?” he replied, resting his chin lightly on the top of her head.

Willow chuckled, feeling more at ease with his warmth surrounding her. “No, not really… And we’ll talk about your league later, Mister.” His arm tightened around her waist for a moment. “I mean more like a group of people, not just an individual.”

“I never thought you to be one to judge people by the group, Willow.”

“I don’t,” she replied quickly. “I mean, I’m not. Gah… I’m not sure what I mean.”

“I see.” She could hear the smile in his voice and fought the urge to elbow him in a, probably cracked, rib. “Perhaps an example,” he tried to help.

“Okay.” Willow took a deep breath. “You remember when Spike was here earlier and being all gross. But, when he was suggesting that you’d done stuff like that before, you didn’t seem at all bothered. Like, I know you try not to let him get to you, but a guy like, say Xander, would have freaked out. You know?”

Giles sighed, “Willow, are you trying to ask if I’ve been intimate with a member of my own sex before?”

“Not if you don’t want to tell me,” she squeaked quickly. “But, kind of… yeah.”

She could feel the chuckle in his chest behind her. “Would you think any differently of me if I say I have?”

“No. I guess not. But, I mean, there was Miss Calendar, and Olivia, and well me. So I know you’re not… But then Spike… Oh, I don’t know,” she finally groaned.

“Willow, Luv,” he spoke low in her ear. “You know I tried many things in my youth. And there aren’t exactly rules when it comes to orgies. There have been encounters. Not unpleasant, but I found I do prefer the company of women. Does that surprise you?”

“Not really. Orgies, huh?”

“I thought we were talking about you,” he smoothly changed the subject.

Willow laughed. “Yes, I know.” After a few moments of silence she continued. “There might be someone at school…”

“I told you there would be.”

“But… I never thought I’d be attracted to this kind of person. I’m not even sure what I’m feeling now.”

She felt Giles’ breath catch. “Oh Lord, it’s not another vampire, is it? Willow, please tell me-”

“No! Nothing like that. Giles, I’d never do that to you. And it’s not any kind of demon either. Just a human being. A normal college student.”

Giles relaxed and couldn’t stifle a yawn as relief washed over him. “In that case, as long as he cares for you, I whole-heartedly approve. You deserve to be happy, Luv. And, if he makes you happy, I am already indebted to him.”

“Her…” Willow said under her breath.

“Pardon?”

“Nothing. You sound really tired, Giles. Let me go so you can get comfortable enough to sleep.”

“But I am perfectly comfortable just like this,” he nuzzled her hair.

“Goofy Giles,” Willow grinned. As she expected, it only took a few more minutes for him to fall into a deep sleep. She careful extricated herself from his arms and made sure he was warm and comfortable where he lay. When she was sure he’d sleep the night, she bent and placed a kiss at the corner of his mouth, “Thank you, Giles. I love you, too.” Then she left him to go and clean up the used medical supplies.


	5. A New Man

5 -- A New Man

Giles carefully stepped through his shattered front door. It was late, and that was something he wasn’t in the mood to deal with. His mood didn’t improve as he looked around his living room. In addition to the things he had broken in his demon state, there were books scattered everywhere.

“Of course, they couldn’t have straightened up a bit,” he muttered to himself.

He looked up just in time to see Willow standing in the hallway arch, staring at him. Her eyes were puffy and wet, her nose red as she sniffled.

“Willow? What’s wrong, Luv? What happened?”

The next second the girl was in his arms, her hands poking and prodding him all over. “Don’t you ever do that to me again,” she finally whispered into his chest.

“What…” Giles began to ask, but then it hit him. She was worried about him. How stupid could he be? “I’m right here. Perfectly whole and perfectly safe. You don’t have to worry on my account.”

She looked up at him, her gaze full of frustration. “Giles, I spent hours, most of the day, thinking you were dead. Do you have any idea how that feels?”

His expression softened in sympathy and he held her tighter. “Yes, I do,” he whispered, remembering the blow it had been to him when he was told Willow had been turned. “I’m sorry I scared you. I’m sorry you cried for me.”

“It’s only been a little while. Most the day I was just trying to figure out what happened. It was only after Buffy called to say she was going after Ethan, and Xander and Anya left to see if they could help… Suddenly I was alone and it all rushed over me. There was a real possibility I would never see you again. I couldn’t handle that, Giles.”

He gently held her head to his chest. “I know, Luv. I should have never let my guard down around Ethan.”

“I’d like to kick that guy right in the…”

Giles laughed. “You don’t have to worry about him anymore. It seems that Riley fellow is good for something. He had some of his military friends arrest Ethan and take him away. One of the young men even drove me home. Apparently, a lot of paperwork comes with arresting someone. Buffy went to help him with that so I could come home and rest.”

The girl looked up at him. She knew he kept talking in an attempt to make her forget her worries and gave him a smile for the effort. “Are you all right?” Willow sighed.

“Yes. I believe there are no after effects. A bit tender where Buffy stabbed me, but-”

“Buffy stabbed you?!?”

He chuckled at the indignant expression on her face. “She did. It was while I was still a demon, before she recognized me.”

“But, then she knew?”

“She said it was my eyes. That no one else could look so annoyed with her.”

Willow hung her head a bit. “You went to Xander for help… this morning. If they were still your eyes, I would have seen. Didn’t you trust me to know you?”

He lifted her chin with a gentle touch. “I was a very large, and might I add clumsy, demon, Willow. Your dorm isn’t exactly in a quiet part of town I could sneak into. And, selfishly I admit, I didn’t want you to see me like that.”

“I would still love you,” the girl whispered.

“I know,” Giles sighed. “I know.” He bent to give her a reassuring kiss.

“Hey, Giles! Sorry to bother you, but there are still a few details--” Buffy stood frozen in the doorway, her chin somewhere in the vicinity of her knees.

Upon seeing her, Giles jumped back. But, to his surprise, Willow held onto his hand and moved in front of him, as if she thought she would have to protect him from the Slayer.

“What’s with the traffic jam? What’s going on in there?” Anya’s voice came from the courtyard. Great, it was the whole bloody family.

“B-Buffy, it’s not, not what you think it looks like.”

“Oh, really,” Buffy said in a low, even tone. “Why don’t you tell me what I think it looked like?”

“I was only, only trying to tell Willow that I’m fine, er, well.”

“Seems to me you’ve told me that plenty of times without the tonsil-hockey part.”

Xander managed to squeeze in past the Slayer. “What’s going on? Something wrong?”

“All the wrongness in Wrongville,” Buffy spat. “What is it with you, Giles? First my mom and now my best friend. It’s not enough that you have women flying in from halfway across the world, you have to go after everyone in my life, too. Does the concept of limits mean anything to you?”

“Buffy,” Xander tried to calm her. “Not sure what you saw, but it’s Giles. He wouldn’t do anything to-”

“Anything like kissing Willow? And God knows what else!”

“Oh,” the boy whispered. “Yep, I was right. Really didn’t want to know about that.”

“You knew something was going on?!? She’s your best friend. You’re supposed to protect her from… from old pervs!” 

Giles could feel Willows grip steadily tighten on his hand but, from his position behind her, he didn’t see the red rising in her cheeks. Not from embarrassment, but anger. He wasn’t the only one to jump when she suddenly shouted, “Shut up, Buffy! Before you make yourself sound like even more of a dumbass!”

Buffy blinked at the uncharacteristic outburst from the quiet redhead. “What did you do to her?” she growled at Giles.

“Don’t be an idiot!” Willow cried. “Have you ever met this man? Or are you really as blind as you sound right now?”

“Girls, I’m sure if we calm down-”

“SHUT UP, XANDER!!!” came from both directions.

Anya shoved her way in. “Hey, don’t talk to him like that.”

“You two aren’t helping,” Buffy tried not to snap at her friends. “You didn’t just walk in here and see your best friend locking lips with, with him.” She pointed wildly at Giles. He feared his heart would beat through his chest.

“So,” Anya said calmly. “I’ve never seen him treat her with disrespect, and he is nicely shaped. Not as nice as Xander, but Xander’s mine. I think Giles would be a good choice as an orgasm partner for Willow.”

“Oh, God,” Buffy whined, “why did you have to say that? It’s gross. He’s old enough to be her father.”

“I have a father, thank you very much,” Willow said through clenched teeth. “His name is Ira Rosenberg. He may not win any father of the year awards, but he’s good enough for me. And what business is it of yours if I choose a more mature man as my lover?”

“Lover,” Buffy huffed. “You two are lovers now? How long has this been going on?”

“What if we are? Couldn’t you just be happy for us?”

“Willow, please,” Giles begged quietly.

The girl swung around and looked up at him with tears in her eyes. “I know, Giles. I know we talked all about this and knew how she’d react. But it just makes me so mad. She treats you like you’re some kind of… untouchable, and you’re so not one of those. You deserve to be loved.”

He knew it would probably be the last thing her ever did, with an angry Slayer watching his every move, but Giles couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment. He took Willow into his arms and held her tight against him. “Thank you, Luv,” he whispered. “Thank you.”

“Luv?” Buffy squeaked. “She’s Luv now?”

“Buffy, just take a minute,” Xander said calmly. He had ended up sitting on the small bench under the coat rack and was now watching his oldest friend being cradled with such care in the arms of the only man he truly respected. “We know neither of them would ever do anything without thinking it through. Why don’t we just let them explain?”

The Slayer glared down at him. “Why the hell aren’t you freaking out more?”

“Because, maybe some part of me knew all along. And because… well, think about it. After everything Will’s been through, if you had to pick a guy that would let hell beasts tear him limb from limb before he let himself hurt her… In my mind, that’s Giles.”

Much of the venom had left her voice when she finally whined, “But he’s so old.”

Xander glanced at Anya and smirked. “You really think we’re the best people to harp on that point?”

“Oh, he’s right,” the ex-demon smiled. “I’ve got more than a millennia on Xander, and Angel was what, two hundred and forty?”

“Two-thirty-six,” Buffy groaned.

“Well, comparatively, Giles is still very much an infant.”

“Thank you, Anya,” the Watcher said dryly as Willow giggled into his chest.

“You’re welcome,” Anya beamed.

Buffy paced back and forth a couple times, then squared her shoulders to look at two of the people she cared about most in the world, who just happened to be in each other’s arms at that moment. “So… The two of you are together now, huh?”

Giles stepped forward, his arm staying comfortably around Willow’s shoulders and softly said, “No, we are not.”

The Slayer shook her head rapidly in a motion reminiscent of a dog trying to extract water from its ear. “What!?! Then what was all of that about?”

“It was about you deserving it,” Willow muttered. Giles squeezed her shoulders in patient reprimand.

“But I did see you kissing,” Buffy said carefully.

“Ay,” Spike was suddenly leaning in the doorway lighting a cigarette. “I see the pussy cat’s finally out of the bag. What d’ya think, Slayer? Dad and lil’ sis goin’ at it behind your back like a couple of Layot Beasts in heat.”

“You knew about this?” Buffy growled.

“Who d’ya think played matchmaker. The Watcher was gagging for a good shag. I just gave him a bit of a hand.”

Buffy turned to Giles. “I thought you said you weren’t… together.”

Giles sighed, but it was Willow who spoke. “I wanted to, but he knew you wouldn’t like it. He turned me down.”

“All right,” Buffy puffed in relief. “So it’s just smoochies. You guys never actually had sex.” Her face dropped as her two friends looked nervously at each other but didn’t answer.

Spike began to chuckle insufferably.

Xander’s eyes went wide and he stood slowly. “Wills, that was it, wasn’t it? That’s what he did to Giles last year. Why he keeps making those jokes to get to him.” The redhead nodded slowly. Xander let out an audible growl and began looking around. She knew he was searching for a stake.

“Oi, I just came for my money, Old Man.”

“Where’s my car?” Giles asked calmly.

“Yeah, well… casualty of war an’ all.”

Anya turned on him. “You killed the Citroen?”

“Everyone shut up!” Buffy yelled. “A year ago you were still with Oz. Am I missing something? Were you cheating with Giles?”

“Oz knew,” Willow answered softly.

“Buffy,” Xander was looking at her like she’d grown another head. “Don’t you remember when Spike came back to town? And he kidnapped Will and the big guy?”

“And Giles protected Willow from him,” Buffy nodded.

The Watcher slowly pulled his desk chair out and sat in it. He tugged off his glasses and began the comforting action of cleaning them. “Buffy,” he spoke evenly, but didn’t look at any of the young faces around him. “That night, when Spike came back… He made his intentions clear to us. He planned to, uh, violate and kill Willow and then murder me, too. It was when he heard me, somewhat foolishly, promising Willow that I would protect her that he… he revised his approach.”

“It wasn’t foolish,” Willow murmured, gripping his hand. “You did protect me.”

Giles shook his head with a sigh. “I had no means to do so. Spike decided to give me a choice, as it were. Either I could watch as he did these things to Willow, or I could be the one to…”

“He gave us the choice,” the redhead asserted. “And I didn’t have to think twice about choosing Giles.”

“Gotta say the Watcher does know what he’s doing. Had no problem handling himself with a fresh, young thing. Made her look like a dish to be savored.”

Willow watched as Buffy’s face turned into an angry stone mask. Not the shocked angry from earlier, but a murderous rage that rarely overtook the blond. Xander had a similar look as he handed the Slayer a stake. “Um, Spike,” the redhead interrupted his reverie. “I suggest you run now.”

Buffy began to turn, shaking with her rage. “Ay, Red. I thought you were gonna talk her outta staking me like you did the old man.”

“I’ll think about it. Right now I feel like seeing if you can survive for that long.”

Spike hesitated for another second before bolting for his life. The Slayer was hot on his heels and Xander a step behind her.

Giles looked up at Willow and couldn’t hold back a relieved chuckle. She smiled, seeing that he was happy. “See, I told you they’d know who deserved the killing.”

“Yes. Well, let’s wait and see if I survive the next time she catches me kissing you. Shall we?”

“Next time, huh?” Willow pulled him up into a hug.

“Is he good?” Anya’s voice broke in. They’d forgotten she’d been left behind. “It just seems to me that he’d be good at giving orgasms. I meant to ask that other lady while she was here, but those Gentlemen stole our voices and we couldn’t really talk. It’s good to know there’s someone closer I can ask.”

Giles was beet red. “Anya, please. That’s not really a proper question-”

“He can make you feel like you’re the entire world,” Willow interrupted with the answer. “Like you’re the only thing that ever did and ever will matter to him. He makes you feel like you’re the most important thing that ever was, and that that one moment will never end. And, I know I don’t have much to compare to, but being with him was all I ever dreamt anything could be.”

The Watcher ducked his head in embarrassment, but whispered, “Thank you, Luv.”

Anya nodded briskly, then stated, “I need to go find Xander now. I wish you two many happy orgasms.” And she promptly left.

Willow giggled as Giles shook his head and groaned. “You probably shouldn’t have said all that."

“Why? There’s no secret anymore. And, if they want to know, I’ll tell them the truth.”

“Well, I am very sure Buffy does not want to know.”

“She seemed to be coming around to the idea for a minute there,” Willow smiled. “The idea of us… together.” She started playing with the buttons of the shirt he was wearing.

“And she was very relieved she didn’t have to.”

“Yeah, well that doesn’t mean I have to stop wanting to get you out of these clothes. And what’s with these clothes anyway?”

“They’re Ethan’s,” Giles laughed. “Hopefully, the final indignity I suffer at his hands. And besides, I thought you were pursuing a new interest at school.”

“Hey, you were supposed to be too far gone to remember that conversation!” She playfully smacked his chest.

He gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “Never underestimate the tolerance of someone with my sort of… history.” With a smile, he placed a kiss on her brow. “And thank you for continuing to make an old man feel desirable.”

“I don’t plan on stopping,” Willow grinned. “It’s one of my favorite pastimes.” She looked out the door into the night. “You think Spike will live through to morning?”

Giles laughed. That wonderful, worry-free laugh that Willow adored coaxing from him. “If he does, I’ll give it to him that he’s earned his chance to exist.”


End file.
